Starting off on the wrong foot

[stockingfeats]

What's worse, a socially awkward situation or a bear attack? We're putting our money on the former.

1. Hey, that's my order! The food & drink place called out your name, but someone else has grabbed it! Of course you know this means war.
   
2. Pardon our dust. When you're dumping your dustbin, or ashtray, or shaking your rug out the window, you should check that nobody's underneath you first.
   
3. Where did you learn to eat like that? Someone else's table manners have exceeded your limit and you have to say something.
   
4. That's MY armrest! Someone has just stuck their big caffeinated orange juice into your cupholder, or you're already locked deep in elbow-a-elbow battle.
   
5. Going up... no, not you. When you're running for the elevator and the person inside accidentally(?) hits "close" instead of "open" -- but not soon enough. Enjoy the ride.
   
6. You never take the last one: There is one left of this tasty treat and your hands have met--as you both try to grab for it. OF COURSE YOU KNOW THIS MEANS WAR!
   
7. How long can you spend picking cereal? You're in a store and the other person in the aisle just isn't moving aside to let you get one thing.
   
8. Sleep uncute: Cute in fanart, not so cute when you commandeer the shoulder of a total stranger. Hope you weren't drooling!
   
9. Hi B...ro...billiam? You just enthusiastically said hi to someone who isn't who you thought it was. Cruelly, death is refusing to accept you into its sweet embrace.
   
10. Wildcard! If it's a social situation it can go wrong. Use your imagination!
    

Comments

wally darling | welcome home

[asabvsblw]

[ grabbing that last apple and running off with it hee hoo ]

[prontissimo]

[ and being chased by a hangry fish boy... how fast can puppets, uh— r-run? Because sea monsters can apparently run pretty fast. Go figure. ]

[asabvsblw]

[ oh no!! an apple fiend! unfortunately this puppet cannot run very fast at all, Wally tries his best to evade Neighbour Apple Fiend, but at the same time he's holding the apple straight out in front of him while puppet-shuffling, making it a very easy target for a hungry pursuer. ]

[prontissimo]

[ After gaining on him, Alberto realizes he... really has the upper hand here... so much so that it stalls him a second once he catches up, just staring at Wally — kind of surprised at how easy it'd be to take the apple back now. Second-guessing whether he should take it or not. Maybe it's too easy. Maybe if this guy's running away with it, he should just let hi—

No, Alberto took it back. Nevermind. Remorselessly plucked it right out of Wally's fuzzy little apple-grabbing hands. Once he has it, Alberto even goes so far as to pointedly take a bite out of it, almost rhetorically, staring Wally down flatly — purely out of spite. He didn't have nice children's television growing up to teach him manners. He had, uh— c-crabs. And seagulls. A turtle? He made his own fun. Alone. Never heard the words "sharing is caring" in his whole life. Sorry, buddy... ]

[asabvsblw]

[ ...! the apple has disappeared!

well. ah. Wally tried his best. it was such a nice apple, too ... but he is not so very fast, and Neighbour Apple Fiend is much fast. he does spend a good minute or so staring at his empty hands in sheer bewilderment at the fruit's sudden disappearance, before realizing where it ended up - or, well, where most of it ended up. a piece does appear to be missing, still. wow! where did it go? ]

I guess you needed it more than I did, Neighbour.

[ Wally sounds a little disappointed ... but not for long. sharing is how you make new friends, after all. ]

[prontissimo]

[ oh god, the gentlest guilt trip.

There's an almost visible jolt inside Alberto at that line, even freezing mid-air halfway through his second bite — a sharp crunch, then a long pause. But not a sassy silence this time — a thoughtful one. He throws his gaze aside awkwardly, uncertainly, reconsidering this moment a little too late. Was he just a jerk by accident? Maybe? Was the puppet a jerk first for stealing the last apple when Alberto was clearly reaching for it? Maybe neither of them are jerks, and they're both just hungry and happen to like apples? Should Alberto be taking that same forgiving attitude, conceding the other person must've needed it more and that's why they took it? That's some sound logic. And probably much nicer than his first knee-jerk reaction... Having half a conflict of conscience over here, Wally.

Alberto knows he needs to check himself sometimes. He's learning still. He's new at this whole— other people thing still, all things considered. Learning lessons all the time, man... He slowly finishes his second bite, looking rather uncomfortable suddenly, before handing the half-eaten apple back out to Wally, still chewing his last bite with his mouth noticeably open. Here, now he'll share. You don't mind, right? ]

[asabvsblw]

[ truthfully? Wally is likely the one more at fault, being the one who took the last apple in the first place without having the means or even the intention to do what one is expected to do with apples. but! a Blame Game only makes for sad feelings and tense relations. Wally doesn't like either of those things. no harm done.

but- oh! look at that! a present! Wally holds both hands out, takes the ... the ... hmm. he looks at it curiously, confusingly, confuddledly. it looks sort of like an apple? but it's not. it's different. how interesting. ]

This is different. [ he turns it around and around in his puppet hands, looking at it like someone just placed a stone slab in foreign holy text in his hands. hmm ... no, this won't do. Wally places the Whatever-It-Is back in Neighbour Apple Fiend's hands, still smiling all the while. ] It's okay, Neighbour. You can have this one. I'm going to go look for the apple.

[prontissimo]

[ Alberto, too, stares curiously, confusingly, confuddledly — at Wally. He takes the apple in a sort of stunned, automatic response, but his actual response is a bit more delayed. ]

...Uhhh... Mah, uh, th-this is the apple... I ate half of it... But, I mean, you can have it! Seriously! Sorry?

[ No one wants your half-eaten apple, Alberto, even a puppet. But, in fairness, he's out of his depths here. How should he know what puppet etiquette is like, he barely even knows what human etiquette is like... ]

[asabvsblw]

[ Neighbour Apple Fiend must be confused. apples don't look like that! apples are red and round. that one is only mostly red, and ... half-round. Wally doesn't seem too bothered by it, simply shrugging his shoulders and pointing a puppet finger at the Whatever That Is in their hands. ]

It's okay. I do not want that one.

[ there's bound to be another apple around somewhere. seems that's his next adventure! Wally does gesture for Neighbour Apple Fiend to follow, before he sets off. ] We can look for the apple together?

[prontissimo]

[ Alberto casts his gaze aside awkwardly, but there's no one else around to bask in this confusion with him, so... he impulsively follows along. As per usual. Who knows where they're going, but— Off they go! ]

Sooo— you got a name?

[ If they're on this apple hunt together now, seems like introductions are due, at the very least. ]

[asabvsblw]

[ there's a moment's pause, after that question is asked. he stands still, staring straight ahead, like someone just asked a robot a confounding paradox. that question. that's ... ha ha. that's right.

...

oh well!!

just as suddenly he's back to smiling and smiling. definitely nothing wrong with him. definitely don't ask what just happened. ]

I am Wally Darling! I am your Neighbour and your friend. [ he waves both hands in greeting. ] What is your name?

[prontissimo]

[ That. Was very normal. Yeah, clearly. Totally non-weird reaction to being asked what his name is. There probably shouldn't be a blank pause after that question. Alberto's far from a social butterfly, he's not met very many people in his life compared to most, but uh, he knows at least that much, that that should have been the least confusing moment in this conversation. And yet... it was not.

Alberto, for his part, though, does absolutely nothing to help make this introduction any less confusing, or any more normal. He just glosses right over that weird blip, reaching his hand out to offer a friendly handshake, and adds his own totally-not-suspicious-or-strange twist to this exchange. And really, a twist — because should Wally politely take his hand, he'll find himself roped into a most peculiar handshake, Alberto abruptly twisting his hand and gently yanking his poor little puppet arm without a care. ]

Alberto Scorfano. Piacere, Girolamo Trombetta~

[ ...Well, those were certainly— sounds. What about a trumpet...? ]

[asabvsblw]

[ o-o-o-h-h-h b-b-o-o-y-y-y that was. interesting. very interesting! a handshake is something oh so new to Wally Darling, and he is but a flimsy little puppet, so rather than shake a hand it's more his entire self just a flip-flopping about.

wow! he's learning so much out here. truly remarkable. he is a little dizzy. ]

You know so many words. And sounds!

[ Wally does not. ]

[prontissimo]

[ Alberto gives a cocky sniff at that, like it's a true compliment, placing his hand on his hip and standing contrapposto comfortably, nose stuck up in the air. ]

Yeah, I do~ It's a human thing. I'm an expert — y'know, on human stuff.

[ He glances over again and gives Wally a not-so-discreet once-over, appraisingly, as if silently remarking that Wally seems, hmm, maybe not so human? Good observation, Alberto. He's not one to judge, just, y'know, pointing it out... ]

[asabvsblw]

[ remarkable! truly. wondrous, impressive. a human expert! Wally does so want to learn all the things. especially about the humans. ]

An expert! [ he is so very impressed. whatever apple-related quest he was on a moment ago is no longer so important. it will be, later. but not right now. because there is a human expert here. whatever that means. ]

That's wonderful! I am very proud of you.

1/2

[prontissimo]

[ Why— Why does that strike Alberto to the quick? His cocky act cracks a bit, giving Wally an earnestly touched look, taken aback by just casually being told that by a stranger... yet also taking it very much to heart? Because he hasn't heard someone else tell him that in a really... really long time — and all kids need to hear it sometimes. Even from an especially strange stranger, evidently. Alberto may have grown up a good decade or two before Welcome Home aired, but Wally is putting his best foot forward as a children's show host right now... Inexplicably connecting with the Youths with canned but still strangely genuine praise...? Wally's got the shtick down pat — if it can even be called a shtick at all. And Alberto's none the wiser. What a nice... guy... this guy is. Whatever kind of guy he is. A little guy. A nice little guy. ]

2/2

[prontissimo]

[ But after that emotive moment of faltering, he lets out a shy little puff of a laugh, almost a sigh, and cracks a warm, lopsided smile. ...Then goes on bragging, as they stroll along – the apple's not really on the forefront of his mind, either. He shoved the half-eaten one in his pocket anyway — y'know, where half-eaten food goes. ]

...Heh. Yeahhh, I'm great at human-ing. I mean, my dad taught me a lot, but mostly I've taught myself. I know a ton about humans~ Go ahead, you can ask me anything!

[ Eager to show off now. Wally started this... Indulged this kid just a little and this is what happens. It's not guaranteed that any information Alberto has to offer is accurate (AKA "true"), but, uh... he's keen to offer it anyway. Good intentions. ]

[asabvsblw]

[ hmm. did he confuse Neighbour Alberto S-- ... Neighbour Alberto with his praise? Wally just wants to be nice. the Golden Rule, they called it. treat others how you want to be treated. maybe he needs to say more nice things so that Neighbour Alberto gets used to it. yes, that's it. ]

You are your own teacher, too! That must be very difficult. [ he swears that's not an insult he's just not very bright himself. ]

Hmmm ... [ thinky-thinky think-think. ] ... what do humans look like?

[prontissimo]

[ Alberto's bright, but that spark, uh, flickers. He's so ready to receive praise, it wouldn't have even occurred to him to take it as backhanded – what a great compliment, wow. Give him a compliment and he'll roll over like a puppy. A weird fishy puppy. ]

Yeah, it is, but I'm a good learner and a good teacher~

[ Convenient. Wally's question does catch Alberto off-guard a bit, but it's a fair one, and receives an answer just as earnest. ]

Uhh, well— Like this! [ He gestures up and down at himself. ] Well— Some of them. There're lots of different-looking kinds of humans. But basically like this. No tail, no scales, lots of skin, more hair— [ He glances at Wally's hand, then points to it with his own. ] More fingers... [ He holds his own hand up to demonstrate, wiggling his five (5) fingers at him. Important info. ]